I've been working my butt off for the last little while. Painting and admin-ning and planning and researching. About every other day I wonder, "Is it worth it?"
My paintings are underpriced. I know that. I'm trying to take my work more seriously- counting time, materials, skill level- not because I want to but because it seems I must.
The marketing, the clamoring for new ways to be seen so I can sell a painting to pay a bill or pay down debt, the hunt for other creative income streams...And college is upon us. It's all too much. It's exhausting.
Oh God, help me trust you.
There's a very fine line between this joy of creating and the necessity of selling the products of the joy. Sometimes that thin line wraps itself around my hope and strangles any hint of an end in sight.
Yet, I have seen God provide for what is needed over and over again. Sometimes He doesn't provide in the way I think is best, but there is always provision of some sort.
I see myself. I know that my struggle is with contentment and patience. "Is God enough?" is the real heart inquiry for me. I know that.
The tension arises as I see other artists in my "league" who have careers that are thriving financially, and I wonder, is it worth it? When will it be my turn? Does being me and not them mean that I will never see things fly off my studio shelves or gain a huge following of art lovers and art givers? How much harder do I have to work to "make it"? And, is that even what I want or need or am supposed to have? Why do I create in the first place?
It follows that I must break up with this human centered notion of success. There are no clowns- no delight- in this approach. Not for me.
I am me. Mystele, Myste from Texas living in Illinois. I will inhabit my life. I will create. I will live. I will love Jesus. I will be me.
I create because it's in me- that image bearing, reflection of the Creator.
That is worth it.
PS (I am SO thankful for the many of you who support me & my family through art & class purchases and encouraging notes. Thank you so much.)